When was the last time you sat back and reflected on your day? And not just the things that happened throughout the day, or the actions you took and the decisions you made, but why you actually took those actions and made those decisions?
Pretty accurate representation of me thinking about why I did the things I did…
It’s amazing how most people are quick to assume why others do things - “she just said that because she’s jealous” or “he only acted that way because he doesn’t like you” - but people rarely take the time to reflect on why they, themselves, actually do the things they do. Any idea why? I think it’s because it’s hard to do. It’s hard to be completely honest with yourself. It’s hard to admit that you’re the one who might be jealous, or who’s holding a grudge, or who’s unhappy in a relationship, or who isn’t satisfied with work - the list of things people avoid admitting about themselves or, more accurately put, to themselves, is practically endless. And, interestingly enough, most of the avoidance isn’t even intentional.
It takes a conscious effort to step back and reflect on why you do the things you do and make the decisions you make. Which means you’ll need to not only set aside the time to do it, but also figure out how to go about doing it. Some prefer journaling, others prefer simply spending some quiet time alone. I’d encourage you to try different things and see what works best. Personally, I usually meditate to clear my mind and then head out for a walk or run. No music or audio books involved, just me and my thoughts. I look back at the prior day or week and think of any interactions or decisions that stand out. If I’m still thinking about it there’s probably a reason for it. I then make an effort to be as open and honest with myself as I can about why I handled things the way I did - it’s amazing how much clarity you can gain from 30-minutes of you and your brain spending some quality time together if you’re willing to be honest with yourself. Over time, you’ll begin to understand your decision making process and what fuels it.
I believe that understanding why you do what you do is fundamental to understanding yourself, and understanding yourself is fundamental to having healthy relationships and making better life decisions. If you don’t understand yourself, how can you expect others to even begin to understand you? Taking the time to understand yourself through reflection on your actions will allow you the opportunity to begin making truly conscious decisions, fully understanding the why before even making the decision. Imagine being able to share the why with others without the need for them to assume it. Being the rational one in disagreements who’s able to deescalate the situation. Apologizing when you realize you’re the one at fault. The more you reflect, the easier it becomes to recognize, in real time, why you’re doing things. And the more you reflect and begin to understand yourself, the more you begin to realize what’s truly important to you in life.
All of this takes time. One session of self-reflection isn’t going to reveal the meaning of life. But consistent self-reflection with a true desire to understand yourself will begin to provide clarity into not only your actions, but to what you truly desire and what ultimately drives you. And that understanding of yourself, of what you want out of life, and what’s most important to you, is essential to living a happy and fulfilling life. I’d encourage everyone to give it a try sometime.